I’m doing fine and I love reading messages like this. It’s kind of bitter sweet because at the moment my life has kind of been at a standstill. I work, I do laundry, catch up with Grey’s Anatomy and American Horror Story and occasionally I date. Life isn’t half as adventurous as it used to be.
Julio and I reconciled. It’s been nice, but I’ve never gotten over the feeling of being slightly distant. He’d never know because when we’re together the affection is overwhelmingly nice. He holds me when we watch movies. I undress him before bed. We wake up and make love. I make him pancakes or eggs for breakfast. It’s nice. It’s comfortable. I love his body and his spirit is beautiful. I get all the romance I could ask for. The sex is great. There so much feeling in it and he whispers these beautiful things to me during and grr….
I don’t know what more I could ask for, but for whatever reason I can’t imagine a future together. I feel like there’s something missing between us or maybe just something missing in me. It’s not just Julio, I never think of my future anymore because I’m always so busy in the present.
I’ve been working 67 hours weekly and focusing more on my customers and the guys I’m dating than I have a school schedule or travel plans. It’s a little ridiculous. Lately, I’ve been thinking about leaving my job and maybe going back to nannying. The thing is, I love what I do. I was made for customer service or at least to be around people in some way or another. I’ve become a staple in our little community and people come in for breakfast and tell me about their weekends or whatever. I throw going away parties for some of the soldiers that get relocated or birthday parties for my regulars. I made every customer a personalized card for Halloween and baked cookies for all the ones whose names I couldn’t remember.
I just can’t get so comfortable doing something so incredibly mundane. I want to own a restaurant one day. I want to travel a lot. I want to finish school and know French as well as I know Spanish. Maybe I could be a translator for a while before I own a restaurant. All I know is I can’t continue this way. Somethings gotta give ya know…
As for Julio, that is a separate post entirely.